It’s June 2017, and I remain unemployed. This wears deeply into my spirit. However, I am understanding how I have dealt with rejection in the past and how I can deal with rejection now. All my life with its external self-esteem has been to earn it. I have done so by being good at what I do; a perfectionist. And deeply self reproachful when I have or did make a mistake. Especially those I did not see, know or catch to correct before they made impact on something or someone else.
In the fall of 2015, I did not see the impact of a severe set of mistakes (in truth, I chose to metaphorically wear rose-tinted glasses and justify the pending avalanch) and was hit head on by their impact and destruction. Now, a year and a half later, I have gradually, piece by foundation piece, begun to restore my life with what pieces remain that are worth keeping. The other pieces and parts of my life have been essentially manufactured. Who am I questions? Whom do I want to be and become? Bringing the process of rebuilding to a thought-filled crawl.
Repeated rejection over this past year has become my bedfellow. Job after job has passed me by for very appropriate, politically correct, reasons; denials just the same. One such hurt and angered me so deeply that, in part, is the reason for this post. I was one step away from a job I knew in my heart was mine. Then, they ran my back-ground check. I did not pass. I was denied the job. I had already been working in the office, making friends, completing projects, proving myself and my value to the team. A box with a check mark in it denied me the position I was already partially trained to do. All my merit and earned respect was blown out the water into valueless data. Where did the value of my merit go? The proof and value of my work-product? ALL gone for a check-mark in a box related to policy; policies that are guidelines and subjective.
The loss of this potential job broke my heart…. I was already doing the job and had just been given more clearance and projects to complete; gradually bringing me up to speed for the permanent position. I know it. I know it in my heart and soul. The job was mine. But, a man or woman sitting in a chair in another building, city or state, looked at a report and the box that report checked off, stopped the trajectory I was on in an instant.
Where was the balance and consideration of work-product and merit weighed against policy and procedure. Where did the human element go in this decision-making process?
What has hurt even more deeply, is the platform so many companies and entities claim to stand upon: We believe in second chances. We will hire without influence or judgment from these information gathering reports. They will not influence or sway our decision…. This sounds very good, but where the tire meets the road, I have found very few companies (if any) that actually act on their platform of second chances. My exhausted spirit can recount each rejection, the reason(s) given, and the truth behind the politically correct hand-shakes; some actual, some virtual, “…thank you, but we have decided to move forward with another candidate. Good luck in your employment search.”
I could complain about “political correctness”… but, that would be, may be, will be, another post when I’m feeling either less snarky or even more so. Until then, be well, breathe in a sunset or sunrise or both. Love on your family regardless of how many legs they may possess. My thirteen year old four legg-ed is most definitely a family member!
Blessed be, Dawn